7/24/2000

I’m sorry, I have a one track mind when it comes to Working Designs and their Anton Arcane-like perversions of perfectly wonderful video games.
I’ve played about 45 minutes of a game called “Vanguard Bandits,” today. It is a competent, if dated, Strategy game, involving
giant robots in a fantasy type setting. Lame when compared to say, Front Mission 3, but it could have been so much more.

I will admit, I chuckled when I killed an Enemy “ATAC” and they shouted, “Calgon, take me away!” or when my character shouted an attack;“Judo CHOP!” and “Take off, you hoser, Eh.”

Of course, I chuckled at least the first few times they said it.
After the fifth time, and after being slapped in the face with such anachronisms as a gnarled old crone pilot speaking on the same manner as Yoda, and shouting gleefully “Filled my ‘Depends’ with joy I have!” I had the suspension of disbelief that would normally cause me to adore a “Final Fantasy Tactics meets Front Mission” Strategy game, ripped from my mind and forcibly shat upon.
Do Working Designs REALLY think they’re being “cute” by ruining games this way? Apparently so. And that’s also why you’ll find their games in the 10$ bargain bin. Fair-weather gamers will play their releases for a few days, then forget about their lackluster performance; a lot like watching comedians from the 80’s. And the hardcore gamers are so disgusted by the tripe they’re being fed that they know not to go near WD games to begin with.
Don’t even get me STARTED on how the cruddy, dated opening animation was accompanied by, you guess it, a LAME-ASS song, sung by the same singer who has done “Luna” and “Every other WD singing female’s” voice since 1992.
And to top the whole distasteful excrement confection all off, The game was originally called “Detonator Gauntlet,” But WD changed the name to “Vanguard Bandits” (an equally nonsensical and stupid name) after being pressured by Midway, makers of “Gauntlet” and “Gauntlet Legends.” Now more than ever, I believe WD are not only stupid, they’re PANSIES.

Check out this review, especially the Fourth Paragraph.


7/22/2000

For everyone who has ever wondered what the real meaning is behind the anime-that-kicks-you-in-the-head-yes-even-more-than-Akira, Neon Genesis Evangelion, check out Toastyfrog’s Summary of Eva Episode 26, which is basically a overly artsy-fartsy Hideaki Anno getting symbolic on our asses.
Read it, and think, “You know, that literal interpretation of the symbolism was right all along. I was a fool to compare Eva to something as overly complex and intellectually grasping as the Qabalah…”
And if it piques your interest, don’t bother reading 40 different webpages that all copied the info from each other; click here for a nice concise list of pretty much every theory currently held in the internet community, regarding EVA symbolism.

Personally, I hate ADVision. Don’t buy their crap-ass DVDs, go get the subtitled VCDs from some import place.

TRUST ME on this one. The DVDs are stupifyingly awful.


7/18/2000

Truncated version of my life.

If there is a God. He hates me.
He can’t kill me…no, that would be too easy…the small happinesses I’m allowed to experience are simply to elevate my mood to a higher plateau, so that the fall from it will be all the more vicious. I have to stay alive, just so that I can endure more punishment. I’m cursed to continue this damnable existence, for the sole reason that it cannot end. The only things that my fate allows me to accomplish are for the greater end of my suffering; small deeds paving the way, ensuring greater failure.
In short, good things only happen to me in order for the bad things to take place.
Most people who read this will acknowledge that my life isn’t that bad; and from the outside, It seems I really have nothing to complain about… That’s the whole point. How can someone who has everything he needs POSSIBLY have anything to complain about? And if he did, wouldn’t that make him petty and end up making him feel guilty? Some people are honestly miserable; They are tied up somewhere, starving to death, being anally raped with red hot pokers while watching their loved ones being boiled alive. In that kind of comparative light, what is so bad about my relatively posh life? …..just wait. Which is worse? Immediate, painful extermination; “Getting it over with,” or a slow, lingering, festering deterioration?
Call it cynicism, call it pessimism, call it defeatism, call it whatever -ism you want.
In the meantime, don’t bother me. I’m unhappy.

Sometimes, what little goth in me screams to get out, and I don’t do poetry.


7/17/2000

Don’t ask why or how, simply cower at the sinister PEZ?? copyright notice….

They are making a PEZ?? card game, in the vein of Magic or Pokemon. I am not making this up.


7/16/2000

Due to people causing massive haphazard ecological damage like this, my brilliant, lovely, and newly red-headed friend Christine Bertz is headed to South Africa for about two weeks to scrub some penguins.
Good Luck, Stine-chan!

Is it just me, or am I the only one posting lately?


7/16/2000

Final Fantasy IX has sold over 1.9 million units in less than a week.

That is 1,900,000 copies of a video game.
7,600,000 individual CDs for each game, which is 4-cds long.
271,428 copies a day.
11,309 copies an hour.
188 copies per minute.
around 3 copies per second.
3 copies sold, each second, for a WEEK.
At roughly 50$ per game, equaling around 95,000,000$.
150$ a second.
or 9,400$ each minute.
….so, how long did it take you to read this blog?

Now don’t YOU feel small and unimportant?


7/13/2000

” An excerpt from Kevin Strickland’s wilderness diary, entitled ‘Kittens in the Mist’.”

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp
“At last… I believe I have made real progress with the orange ones I refer
to as “The sisters.” After slowly gaining their trust, I have finally convinced
them that Captain Crunch is not in fact a toy, and is wholly edible.
Unfortunately, they continue eating my cardboard and packing tape.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp
However, this development seems to have endeared them to me somewhat,
and now one of their ranks endeavours to sleep on my warm PC monitor;
a task made difficult by the rounded, slanted nature of the thing.
Nevertheless, she perseveres.”


Eric, can I call you ‘Morte,’ yet?