Laura got me a really nice Magellan Sportrak GPS receiver for my birthday, because she’s the best.
Unfortunately, I made the critical mistake of purchasing Magellan Mapsend Streets and Destinations — and actually trying to use it.
Here’s the resulting love letter I sent to Magellan:
- Wow. I am utterly amazed that your corporate headquarters isn’t a squatter camp in lower Bangladesh, although I’m sure it will soon be.
Only a nest of leper-rotting unskilled nomadic vagrants could produce software of such putrid quality. I cannot — absolutely cannot– believe that I was suckered into buying such an absolute pile of curdled feces.
“Description of the Issue”: I’m sure that somewhere in reams of paper used to snort up the vast trails of cocaine your senior management must have blown all the QA budget on, there was something called a ‘Spec’. And I’m reasonably sure that in that ‘Spec’ was a requirement for your software to “work”. Now, being as all of you illiterate scabrous hobos haven’t been able to “work” before — what with all the stumps and scabs and all — it’s no suprise to me that your software doesn’t do that “work” thing very well.
I can understand your choice of Serial Port as the communication method of choice, considering that 1984’s technology is the tech du jour in the Bangladeshi Bayou. However, you could (just a suggestion) ensure that your maggot-ridden software really does work with said high-technological Com Port goodness, instead of repeatedly showing a “busy” status.
Thank goodness you outsourced your documentation to your semi-literate Chinese cousins. Based on the cleverly-crafted yet completely incomprehensible mash of troubleshooting instructions, I now know that Palm’s HotSync software “regurgitated the leapt kitten laterally dynamic.” I’ll bet your last three CEOs got a big laugh out of that one, before they fled the country with their trophy brides.
Since you guys can’t make any money by selling a decent, working product, you have to wait for slimeballs like Best Buy to sell it for you, where hapless customers can’t get a refund even after sacrificing their firstborn to the General Manager. Since I made the mistake of supporting your near-criminal activities, I’ll pay penance by setting this hellspawned ware on fire in my back yard.
I hope to be reading about your demise on F*dCompany soon.
Love, Unxmaal.