Remedial Satire

First, a remedial lesson on satire.

Having read that, I’ll continue my earlier rant from last week regarding supposed satirists. My primary point: if you are a good satirist, you implicitly know that some people will misunderstand your work. This is the risk of satire. It is unnecessary to go on damage-control crusades after the fact.

However, from the abundance of comments on that post, we can see that with the use of a vast network of holy informants, our friends Tom and Ed were near-instantaneously informed of my disparaging comments, and descended with divine swiftness to “enlighten” me.

As such, I must admit that I am wrong, and they are right. I dare not stand up against such an overwhelming tide of goodwill and foresight as what flows from the exalted and gold-foiled keyboards of such paragons of altruism and simple, common, human decency as these kings among men. I have seen the blinding blue neon light of their words, burned upon my meager, shrivelled soul, that their works are of holier design than one such as I might understand, what with my poor grasp of the true meaning of the concept of truth, justice, and the American Way. For Tom and Ed’s site is truly the zenith of freedom, seeking only to help us lowly sinners and to point out the error of our craven ways.

The hardest steel goes through the hottest flame, and only through the righteous flame of the fire of Tom and Ed’s wit can a corrupt and unvirtuous website pass with any hope of flowery redemption. Foolish was I to believe in any less than the holiest of intentions of this happy glowing blessed pair, and my foolishness was proof of the evil horned Devil’s influence, meddling with my spiritual sanctity. I urge you, nonbelievers and believers alike: do not doubt the silver-and-teak-lined work of those most sanctimonious two! If they state that your site looks like it was designed by a pack of wild Mexican heathen teenagers all drugged up with the Devil’s lust and the candy of sin, they truly mean to bring you on the path! You must surely devote every waking moment of the next five years of your life, shouting praises to the divine wisdom of Tom and Ed, and hoping for the sweet cherry-like glow of the Lord to enter into the soul of your webserver and correct the foul and devious nature of your site! Can I get a “Praise Jesus”? Amen!

And with that, my fellow sinners, I will conclude. While Sister Mary-Laverne gets us a song on the Casio keyboard, I’ll be passing around a basket for you to place your donations and devotions to those holiest of holies, Tom and Ed. Bless you all.