Fractured Penis

My mom writes:

“We had a guy come into the hospital today, who had a fractured penis. I asked the doctor how something like that would happen. “Was he just being vigorous or did he have someone “enthusiastic” or gymnastic?”

“The doctor said it is usually (to put it delicately) caused by putting somewhere he shouldn’t be putting it. Also, a lot of people into S&M get penile fractures. Don’t ask me how; maybe somebody is bending it in weird positions.

“So don’t be putting it in a bottle or a harness or twisting it around backwards or anything cause with the blood vessels. It is hard to get it to work again.

“Sometimes the penile implants bend in weird ways and break them. You should see those things: they are big old pieces of soft hose with an end that looks like a cake decorator tip, and hard plastic side hoses that fit somewhere, AND a bulb like the nose sniffers for babies. When it’s time to use it you have to poke on your stomach to blow it up.

“I can’t figure out the optimum time to start pumping up the goober… I mean putting on a condom is intrusive… how would you go about poking on the bulb in your groin to crank up the works?

“Can you picture the whole scenario? “Just a second, honeybunch, while I inflate”?

“Could you just roll over and do it clandestinely? How do you let the air out? Is it like a float? Or if you go too fast do you do like a balloon and fly around the room?

“How romantic.”