Alas, I’ve removed the Linksluts webring stuff, at least until Neale declares Yahoo to be the Great Satan of the Internet.

UPDATE:
Yes! Neale replies:

yahoo is the great satan of the internet.

Sadly, this doesn’t mean much, as I can’t find the code for the Linksluts section because YAHOO SUCKS. Logging in to get the code requires either a Yahoo username/password (which I won’t admit to having), or a lot of personal information, such as sexual orientation, total net worth, unlisted telephone number, and the name of my last girlfriend’s mother.

Yes, my children, I am alive!

After a harrowing trip inside a flying washing machine, I slept for about fourteen hours, and I’m now back to my regular vampire routine. I have several pictures for you all, such as the beach I didn’t go to, the beautiful woman I never met, or the huge Hawaiian plant that decided to be my special friend.

Again, many special thanks to my pals Joseph and Michelle, who housed and fed me during my stay. This is a picture of the gate to the house they just bought. Yep, those are genuine 18th-century copper lions. I lust.

Okay, mini-rant time.
In the handy “petite” size.

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp Okay, kids. Maybe it’s just the fact that my little Virtua On Hardware experiment didn’t go entirely as planned, but I’m was in a pretty foul mood when my good friend Markham sent me a link to this place, aptly named, Iloveholly.com. But before you click that link, and grace the site with another ‘hit, read the following rant.
It’s yet another little ego-stroke website, put up by yet another cute little social deviant/elitist chick. The web seems to be overflowing with beautiful people who want the world to know their unique wisdom, and more importantly, see them. (for a small fee, of course) And they believe that they are honestly worth it… I’m sure it couldn’t be further from the truth. (Of course, the reader will automatically assume that the following smacks of unrequited lust or jealousy or both, and even though this is not the case, feel free to believe whatever you like.) I’m so sick of people thinking we want to see gallery after gallery of photos of them. In rare cases, when they’re getting nekkid, this is fine, but for the most part, the pics I speak of are blurry, ill-angled webcam shots that give people an excellent idea of the encroachingly deformed mass of your forehead, or a blurry idea of your physique from a meter or two away. It only gets worse when they ask people to pay them for the privelege. You give them money, and maybe, once or twice a week at predetermined times, you see them sitting in front of their computer, doing whatever they do. (personally, I would love to have my own cam, and charge people to watch me sit at my computer and bite my fingernails and drink sprite. There’s an idea, corporate sponsorship…) This irks me to no end, ESPECIALLY when they have such a high opinion of themselves that they feel the need to glut their page with a hundred thumbnails of themself, from said webcam. Most of the time, people like that are convinced they are pretty. They know it. They’re vain creatures, deep within whatever outer candy shell they’ve created to show the world. (and I’m sure if you asked them, they’d tell you that isn’t the case.) If you email them to tell them how much you like their site, they’re going to automatically assume it’s because you think they’re attractive. If you write them hate mail, they’ll think the same thing. Their sites exist for the sole reason of egotism, and that’s going to be the foremost thought in their mind when they read the comments about said website.
The more I become acquainted with people in general, the more I realize that the beautiful people are meat. They have properly categorized themselves as useless, yet attractive “things.” Like a lamp or a chair. They are things that are pretty to look at, and they are self-servient in their roles, giving the rest of us something to stare at. When people read playboy, do they really CARE what the models’ hobbies are? In the “Miss Indeterminate Landmass” competitions, do we CARE about the girls’ “talents”? It seems that people who are not necessarily outright stunning in their appearances have real personalities to make up for the fact that they can’t attract people by the sheer force of their bodily attractiveness. Which is not to say that there is a direct inverse proportion between beauty and wit; I won’t even open that can of worms…but that one finds when one can’t beguile with a wink, that one must resort to …other methods of coercion. Ones that require thought and forethought, planning and preparation, wit and wile.
Anyways, there was no real point to this rant, no major epitome I was trying to reveal, it was just because I hate those sites, and I felt that you should too. Now, if you feel you must, go back up to the top, and click the link to see the site in question. And bear in mind, which would you rather see? The girl in question’s disjointed journal (detailing her fascinating life of shopping, drinking, and socializing.) or her gallery of photographs, (in which she prances around quite often in varying degrees of nudity)….

Welllllll, whaddaya know? You don’t have to be a coon dog or sheep to get screwed in Hellabama.*

*DISCLAIMER: The comment written above is a brazen attempt at hillbilly humor and should not be ingested with any form of serious consideration whatsoever. You may do so at your own risk, however, please note that all angry e-mails in defense of the deep south will be met with glaring indifference and shall not justify a response nor any utterance on my part as to what a dolt I consider you for not upgrading your funny bone. Goddit?? Pee ess….”Southern born and Southern bred, when I die I’ll be Southern dead.”

I’m really excited about the upcoming Lord of the Rings movies. I’m hoping they don’t suck as badly assome of the others I’ve anticipated did.

According to a very good article on Wired, Weta Digital, the company responsible for the digital effects for LotR, has started building a wall of machines with the sole function of rendering the Lord of the Rings images. So far Jon Labrie, chief technical officer at Weta, has purchased 16 dual-processor SGI 1200 servers running Red Hat Linux. By the time the films are finished — the first one is due out by the end of 2001 — Weta will have 200 processors dedicated to rendering.

Don’t tell ME that there aren’t any good men left out there.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that the little bugger kept begging me for food until I fed him all the food in his food box, with no source of renewal in sight, my Seaman starved to death.

On a lark, I put the CD in my CD player, and this is what I came up with.

Yes, that is…erm..was his voice too.

Confession Time: I like Smashing Pumpkins. I’ve liked them since the first Gish release, back in 1991. Granted, I think Billy Corgan is a prick, but I still love his music.

On that note, it appears that SP has released a totally new album entitled Machina II/the friends & enemies of modern music. This album consists of 25 new songs, and was pressed onto 25 vinyl LPs and given away with explicit instructions to be bootlegged and distributed across the Internet. According to fansites, this is the final album from the band.

Okay, in response to the hundreds of emails I’ve gotten —well, fine, the single ICQ complaint— I’ve changed the layout to fixed-width, and removed those “sucky white-on-blue links”. I hope you’re all happy now. All three of you.

And while you’re at it, go <A HREF=“http://topsites.markside.com/top/topsites.cgi?unx"

vote for my page on the E/N Top 100. You should do this every day, at least three times a day.

WOW! NASA is in the business of blow up dolls. Well, ok maybe just inflatable spacecraft. I think some guys at NASA have been reading too much sluggy freelance. But be warned, if you read the comic you have to start from day one and it’s highly addictive.